This week Dennis is staying with me. And I started an art project.
These are painted cards. 54 of them including the Jokers.
I will not tell you what I am going to do with them, because they are going to become someone’s gift fairly soon, and I do not wish to spoil the surprise.
I also have a tremendous amount of art projects going…I cannot keep up!
I have been an emotional wreck.
I know that women can become emotional without considering logic, but I recognize that this is not an excuse to go absolutely crazy. This is what happened with the fall. We were made to desire after our husbands and be insecure in ourselves. We are made to feel weak by the Evil One and can become under spiritual attack with our fears, weaknesses, and insecurities.
I have not been known to be “confident”.
I suppose that might be a lie.
I can be very confident and unstoppable.
Only when I choose to let God become that strength.
I oftentimes hide under veils of my own fear.
I am afraid of being left. of being replaced. of not being skinny enough. of not being pretty enough. of being way too much to handle. of being boring. of being hidden out of shame…
and yet…. when I allow those fears to paralyze me, I am hiding my own self out of shame. Satan knows my weak spots and he takes my logic from me and my breath from me.
God gives me breath, He gives me life, He gives me calm.
There is so much that I am scared of that does not make any sense.
The only one I must fear is God.
He is simultaneously my strength and my fear; the one that provides me with that much-loved confidence is the one I live seeking to please and relying on praise and approval and guidence. He will never leave me, but if I turn away, I am lost.
That is a ligament fear; to be lost.
But God does not drive us away; he holds us close, extending his hands when we miss our footing.
I have been tripping up and down my life and need help.
Today I walked to the Fitness Center to teach Cycle at 5:30am, praying for affirmation that I am loveable. I kept trying to get that affirmation from Dennis and I only ended up frustrating us both.
Why do you seek the praises from men when it is the Lord God’s praises that will fuel your growth in Christ and your shine on earth.
Lord, teach me to be in the world, not of the world. I want to be like you; that shining city upon a hill. Teach me to stand out and be unafraid of men. Teach me to be God-fearing and loving, solid in the You in me.