found some diamonds

this scraping away, this old skin

oaks are burning and I am paper thin

the sky expands into my lip

and i never knew walking could look so hip

been gulping down purple for my keep

just stay on the phone with me and breathe in deep

and at night, coming down with damp and feet

twist yourself around me, i need your human heat

today the lilacs smell like your hair

looking to clouds, belly up and i find you there

little biddy pretty one,

getting lost in the daylight sun

but don’t play with me, cause you’re playing with fire…

I took these photos right after my last final of this semester. How wonderful to be finished.

I kinda invented egg salad. No big deal.

oh….look for light

I had big plans this morning…but no. I slept through my alarms and now my body feels achey and tired and angry.

How do you recover from starting off on the wrong foot? I seem to have trouble shaking off the initial irritation of disappointing myself.

Coffee tastes very bitter this morning, as I notice the falling rain and cold wind I must face from places of playing catch-up…but I have hopes that God will give me rest and ease.

Be here now. And now is the time when I must face the world. I know soon the smile will come.

This pictures was one I took last week, but it sorta depicts what I feel in this moment.

a girl with a flower

Today I was walking home from class and I passed by this girl who promptly handed me one of these flowers without even stopping.

“Thanks” I said. She kept walking, smiling as she went.

 

The flower is now sitting in our vase on the kitchenette.

 

How oddly sweet. I had never seen her before.

6:34am lovely morning

 

Last night was unusually cold (hence the sweatshirt- not really common bed attire for me). My room mate keeps
turning on the air after I’ve opened the windows…it’s April. I do not understand the logic behind it, but it turns our apartment floor into an ice rink.

Today I had plans of getting up a little earlier, but I kept sleeping. The Velvet Underground was my wake-up call and I had “Waiting for the Man” as the soundtrack to my early morning dreams.

sleeping through my alarm

 

 

 

I woke up sore.

Today is going to be beautiful

 

 

 

big ugly yawn

 

 

I woke up yawning.

 

 

 

 

hopeful

 

 

I made coffee and finished my homework and felt happy looking out of the window.

My boss emailed me with a really sweet message and I talked to Dennis on g-chat. All the while I am listening to Shane and Shane, getting ready for the day. Smiling.


 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ramble Prayer: Samuel and a Tea Party

In my reading of Samuel today I was just struck with how God speaks both to and through him. I believe I might be a bit too tired to go into elegantly-expressed contemplations on the matter, but I am truly inspired at Samuel’s ability to listen to the Lord and do exactly as he commands without question. In return, God give him wisdom through his words to Saul and the people of Israel.

Liz and I had a tea-party date today and spoke about the importance of our words. [It is so good to have a fellow lover of words who understands the importance of inflection and phrasing and syntax and diction….perhaps it merely comforts me to know that there is another who is as obsessed with words as I seem to be.]

But really, words have power.

The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power…and you will be changed into a different person….do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you. Samuel 10:6-7

Samuel speaks God’s truth and it is done.  I know he has the power to change me into an entirely different person, one with wisdom, strength, and truth. One that speaks God’s words without fear. One that uses her voice to honor the Lord and does not waist breath on hurtful, harsh, or gossiping words.

This idea of God transforming Saul into another person motivates me. God needed something specific from Saul; to be the leader of Israel and to prophesies. How then, can the Lord change me into his servant, using me and giving me new qualities to become a speaker of His word?

A series of events have made me become humble in the eyes of God, my peers, and specifically my employers. I have been listening to the Evil one taunt me about silly mistakes I have made, telling me that I am no good, stupid, and a bad person, unworthy of love. This spiritual attack has been eating at me, and yet I find that I am strengthened by my faith. Regardless of what I have done to get to where I am now, I ask God, “What would you have me do?” and he is with me. He would have me humbled, for my pride was too great. He would have me dependent upon him, for my greed was making me feel a sense of power that drove me away from Him. He would have me live simply, for my financial spending and again, my greed were both getting out of hand. He would have me spend quality time with him and give Him more of my life, because I was placing too much of myself into that which is meaningless.

I thank you God, for grace. For each day I know there are little deaths and resurrections of your love whenever I fall and am forgiven. I ask that you take this stress and sadness, and I offer my suffering. I ask that you transform me like you did Saul, into what you wish of me. I cannot do it alone.

In your son’s name,

Amen.

12:15 series of the non-serious

I wonder who has a yellow hand

Sometimes I walk around during the day finding every little thing humorous.

these curtains were once alive, but alas!

But then it always gets me with something so profound that I have no choice but to understand that my smiles are gifts and signs that someone cares deeply about my joy.

I find love in laughter, even if it is about silly things that no one else thinks are funny….like “dead” curtains and spray painted hand prints.

Funny Veggies

Today was a total “Veg-out” day in the case of eating. I had a fiber-fruity breakfast, but then everything from there on out was full of veggies.

Did a good job of not spending money today by packing my own lunch- a spinach salad with mushrooms, peppers, and broccoli. I ate these 12-grain crackers with it too. What was funny about the crackers was that I didn’t have time to pack them in a separate container, so I just shoved the entire box into my lunch bag (there was only two handfuls left). I pulled them out in Theatre History and Tony started making comments about me eating an entire box of crackers. I turned around and said, in all seriousness: “there are only 12 crackers in this box, see?” I pointed to the label which read 12-grain crackers. He shut up.

For a late dinner I made this wonderful concoction of sautéed vegetables with curry and eggs. I wrapped it up in a wheat tortilla and had myself an Indian burrito…kind of.

And for a snacky dessert I had some sweet cherry tomatoes, baby carrots and ranch dressing.

food for thoughts:

“Today food and I have been good friends. So often I find myself shying away from getting excited about meals or just eating them in general, but honestly that’s not loving or respecting myself.

Feeding “Little Claire” lots of tasty veggies today feels good!”

7:18pm post workout photo

into the sun

I was walking home to my apartment, thinking about too many things and was struck by the sunset above. I started taking some shots from the ground, dumping my backpack and gym bag on the gravel road.

A bus boy from Avanti’s stepped outside to take out the trash and looked at me; “An artist at work huh?”

“Just dabbling…messing around.”

I am still finding that balance. It is a mistake to take yourself too seriously, but I think I am not simply dabbling….or maybe I am. Dabbling is an art form in itself.

The art of breath.

Means that living, it is beautiful, and breath, it takes guts sometimes.

I know I am an artist.  And I am always at work with life.

nutty breakfast

5:09 am Today I ate one of my homemade granola bars (multi-grain and apple/banana/cranberry) and drank a cafe au lait with steamed soy milk.

food for thoughts:

“I wonder what it will be like to wake up to a husband most mornings and share a bed. I want to share my dream space with him and build forts to have fun breakfasts like these in.”