A letter to a hottie

Dear Girl That Dresses Like a Hottie,

I saw you today in the CVS on Halstead.You walked by me in your skin-tight, hot pink, sleeveless dress, and I watched you stick your butt out as you strolled down the elise in your stilettos. You were buying diet coke and some cigarettes.

How can I convince you that you are beautiful?

Because you are. And it’s not because you have a tight, 19-year-old body. It’s not because you have globs of black mascara, shiny lip gloss, and highlighted hair. It has got nothing at all to do with the way you look right now, walking by me, all dolled up.

It is who you are that makes you lovely.

I want to ask you why? Why go out dressed like a club dancer? Why the low-cut, cleavage-bearing, short-skirted, skin-tight outfit? There is nothing good that this getup will bring to you.

You most certainly will attract a man, in fact, you’ll probably attract every man that passes by you (unless he is blind).  But I guarantee that those men will only be interested in your body and not your heart or mind, (and certainly not your soul).

Any guy that picks up on you while you are dressed like that will never last. He will not be the best friend, partner, and lover you long for. He will not affirm all that you need to hear. He will not be a good father to your child. He will not love you as you gain weight, turn gray, struggle with finances, get emotional on your period, or find a lump in your breast.

Perhaps you’re not looking for that man. Perhaps you want to have some fun while you’re still young and beautiful. Perhaps it feels nice to have a guy tell you that you look like America’s next top model, and perhaps you have convinced yourself that you only want one night of passion with no commitment.

I understand. But have you fully thought this through?

Just from the way you carry yourself, in your heels and short skirt, you are putting yourself at risk.

You could wind up a lover of a physical abuser. You could give your number to a convicted felon. You could find yourself alone in a bedroom where there are several guys waiting.  Your future husband could be repulsed by the way you are acting now. You could get pregnant.

You are also putting others at risk.

You are setting an example of what a woman is to every young girl who sees you walk by and thinks “I want to be loved like all the guys love her”. You are putting men who struggle with pornography and faithfulness to their wives as risk of temptation and sin. You are creating a situation where another woman may compare herself to you and feel insufficient in the way she dresses or looks. You are making it difficult for every man you pass to be a respectful, honest gentleman.

How you dress makes a statement about who you are. Especially as a woman. Because of this, I sincerely worry about you!

I am certain that you are not thinking about how lack of clothing can harm my own marriage.  I know when I was young, and even not so long ago when I was less conscious of myself, I didn’t think about these things either. Being a temptation to a married man might even be fun for you. But one day you yourself will be married, and a girl dressed like a hottie will strut in front of your man. Then you will understand.

I pray that you find the confidence and security to know that you are enough and that you deserve a loving, kind, and respectful man. I pray that you understand that you are enough to attract a good man, just as you are, without the makeup and push-up bra.

Somewhere out there is a man, who isn’t perfect, but who will adore you and cherish you and treat you the way you truly deserve to be treated.

Believe that you deserve to be treated as treasure and don’t settle for anything less.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  
With much much love (and I mean that),

Claire

Why I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey

I am not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Recently there have been explosions of women and men(–totally weird, I know), who have become obsessed with the new novel by EL James, and, to put it bluntly, I refuse to be one of them. At the risk of sounding perfectly closed-minded, I would like to explain to you why I’m not considering reading Fifty Shades of Grey and why I think you shouldn’t either.

Reason #1: Simple. Fifty Shades of Grey is sinful. This book is classified as erotic fiction,which, along with pornography, is defined a genre which has “no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.” That right there is enough for me to say “no thanks, I’d rather just sleep with my husband”. (Excuse my honesty)

Now i’s all very well for me to give you my opinion, but let’s look at what the Big Man says; God tells us that there is only one who should stimulate sexual desire us: our spouse.

Since God’s plan for my sexual desire involves only my own husband, then anything else that adds to my arousal is sin.

Jesus said it this way: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The same is true of a woman looking at (or reading about) a man.

Reason #2: This book may rob of your desire for real sex. The Bible confirms that lust is hurtful and harmful. And guess what? So do modern biopsychologists. Research shows that over time your body becomes conditioned to self-stimulation and gratification. Lust can cut a literal pathway in your brain tissue. At first a little bit of erotica might give you the desire to be with your spouse, but overtime that self-stimulation and your own imagination (or porn) is not only enough to satisfy you, you actually prefer it to real sexual intercourse.

…I’m not just making this up. Check out this article in The New  Yorker  for more information.

Reason #3: This book will make it difficult for women to fully respect their husbands.

Okay, let’s be honest, women. Sadly, a few of our men have looked at porn. I mean, most guys over the age of 12 have. If you’re like me, you find this extremely sad.

You may feel like you can never compare to the perfection created by lights, camera, and Photoshop that is presented in some porn. Or maybe you just feel like you have to compete for your husband’s sexual attention.

Well, he may likewise feel like he can’t compare to the fantasized interpretation of manhood depicted in this particular book, and he may feel like he has to compete with a fictional character. Which would suck right?

If you don’t want your guy to look at other naked women, don’t read about naked men. I personally want to have more respect for my husband than that. How about you?

Reason #4: This book directly contradicts what God created sex to be. It is meant to be a union that is fuled by love and service, not pain or humiliation. Fifty Shades of Grey deals a lot with BDSM: Bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism. And if you recognize what any of those words are, you can get an idea about why this book is so damaging.

It’s not just that Fifty Shades of Grey misuses sex; it redefines it into something evil and transgressive. The lead character uses dominance in a hurtful way.  In our emasculating culture, there is indeed a hunger for strong men, but this book takes the role of headship to a new level- a sinful one.

A man is supposed to lovingly and sacraficially serve his wife and lead her in the Christ-like direction. This does not involve dominating her or holding her in sexual submission. 

A woman is supposed to respect her husband and support him in his leadership. This does not involve becoming a sexual slave to him. Nor does it involve reading trashy novels about men who abuse their sexual partners just to get an arousal.

…Also. Vanilla is an ice cream flavor, not a type of sex. Ew.

 

I will never read this book. And many of you might be up in arms with me about this post because I am (for lack of a better term) ripping this book apart before even opening it. Judge away. In a way, I’m judging the book by it’s gossip.

I’m going to quote another blogger here to explain my point: “There are many things in this world I need not partake in to discern that they are going to be harmful to me. God has given me more than fifty shades of truth in His Word and when just one of them is in conflict with my entertainment choices, I choose to pass”!

I love my marriage, my God, and myself. Why put those things in jeopardy for a quick read?

If you find yourself seeing my side of the story, please take a moment today to post these words on Facebook or twitter: “I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.”

If you have friends who need help understanding why, send them to my blog. I’d be happy to explain!